For 1 hour on July 8th, 2010, basketball fans watched as LeBron James broke the hearts of Cleveland fans and established himself as King Douche. He also pissed off nearly everyone except Miami Heat fans and the hundreds of nitwits, who worship James and have since converted to Heat fans. As someone, who hates bandwagon jumpers, I can only hope that LeBron and the Heat have a worse season than last year’s Nets.

Nevertheless, anyone who was following the LeBron debacle knows that Cavs’ owner, Dan Gilbert, wrote an angry letter that cast himself and the city of Cleveland as victims of a terrible traitor. In that spirit, Gilbert, who also owns Fathead, has put all LeBron James Fathead products on clearance for the low, low price of $17.41. Why? Well, Benedict Arnold–only the most infamous traitor in American history–was born in 1741.

Ok, so I get why LeBron being a free agent was so hyped up, but it has now gotten to such a retarded level that I really wish the guy nothing but “unintentional” elbows to the teeth and heartbreaking playoff loss after heartbreaking playoff loss. Sure, he’s freakishly talented, but he lacks humility, which is the first thing anyone that naturally talented should learn. There was no need for a special presentation on ESPN. There was no need for all the suspense and build-up, especially considering the news had leaked days before. Just make the announcement, let the reporters write their articles, and then all the animosity would fade away in a couple of months when Lindsay Lohan is caught making Jenkem in jail.

Twitter was ablaze with LeBron James jokes and hate last night, which was actually the best part of the whole ordeal. Some folks were saying LeBron has decided to be the next Scottie Pippen instead of the next Michael Jordan. But even that comparison is a stretch: Pippen has 6 rings and more class than LeBron has game. Others somehow managed to get “Burning Lebrons” into the trending topics, which was promptly removed as it was probably just tons of racist tweets from bitter hillbillies with terrible spelling.

The real shame here is that it’s clear his buddies, who are milking the LeBron money tit for all it’s worth, are responsible for that shameless display of ego last night. But really, the general public is to blame. After all, we bought into that spectacle like a desperate man paying too much for a handjob from some tranny on a dark side street. While LeBron, ESPN, and Vitamin Water were the whores, we were the ones who enabled them to turn their tricks. Normally, I think Alex Jones is bit over dramatic, but he does have a point in the video you’ll find below–no matter how insanely presented it is.

More Info:

LeBron James Slam Dunk Fathead for $17.41

Easy Come, Easy Go for King James | Yahoo News

11 Strange Things LeBron Said During ‘The Decision’ | Balls Don’t Lie

The Decision Is In: ESPN Guilty of Hype | Fanhouse

Bonus:

What do LeBron James and Lindsay Lohan have in common? When they go to Los Angeles courts they get embarrassed publicly.

When most Americans are subject to an average of 3000 brushes with advertising per day it’s no wonder companies are trying alternative and ethically questionable marketing strategies.  In what is one ballsy and sneaky move, Captain Morgan attempted to launch a guerrilla marketing campaign in football stadiums across the country.  As seen to the left, players were quietly approached and asked to do the trademark Captain Morgan pose in exchange for a donation of $10,000 to the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund–an organization that caters to the various needs of retired football players.  And when you consider that the average life span of NFL players is 55, it comes as a surprise that the NFL would squash the marketing campaign shortly after Brent Celek (a Philadelphia Eagles’ tight end) raised his knee in front of the Sunday Night Football cameras.

The NFL has banned the pose as a preemptive strike against any other players attempting to prepare for their retirement.  During the playoffs, Captain Morgan was willing to pay $25,000 per instance ($100,000 in the Super Bowl), but it only took one play and pose for the NFL to shut down Captain Morgan.  Fines for doing the pose will likely be high, given the fact that Brian Urlacher was fined $100,000 for wearing a Vitamin Water hat during a pre-Super Bowl media day.

Maybe the NFL will try and pass off the situation as the morally correct decision, justifying it with the logic that repeated instances would subconsciously drive child fans to consume fatal amounts of Captain Morgan.  However, if they take that route then they have to somehow convince the public that all the Budweiser advertisements, which have been a part of Sundays for decades, do not subtly encourage kids to drink.  But they probably will just handle this situation as quietly as possible, like all effective and working socialist institutions tend to do.  The NFL either wants a cut or they are insulted that Captain Morgan went behind their backs and straight to the players.  Either way, the Captain is a sly son-of-a-bitch.  Personally, I never liked the guy–it’s because of him that I slept in a driveway after evacuating the contents of my stomach (multiple times).  Serves him right, but you gotta give credit where credit is due, and this may have failed, but it was a solid idea that was going towards a worthwhile cause.

(via Yahoo)

Discussion Starters:

Is the NFL making the right decision? And should the NFL be more lenient in regards to touchdown celebrations?

More Info:

Sports: A Huge Problem