Seventh-grader, BridgeAnne d’Avignon, and her 80 year-old grandpa have apparently traced Obama’s genealogy back to nearly every president (the exception being Martin Van Buren) and a king of England, John Plantagenet.  The discovery proves one of two things: our government is in the control of some shadow family or humans are a more incestuous species than we allow ourselves to believe.  Actually, when I think about it, chances are it’s a little of both.

Oh well, if this alleged discovery does anything it will stir up more conspiracy theories about the Illuminati, Free Masons, and Obama, which will provide us all with a plentiful amount of History Channel programming.  I don’t see the harm in that.  After all, look at all the money being made off of 2012.  It’s like the Y2k scare, but 40x more badass.  Sure, a massive glitch in all the world’s computers would be pretty devastating, but that’s pussy shit when you hold it up against the possibility of Earth and all its inhabitants being vaporized by some kind of galactic catastrophe.  Seriously, epic.

(via KSBW.com)