Dearest Facebook friends of the fairer sex:

I can’t thank you enough for your incessant reminders of how much NEW MOON means to you. Had you all not collectively informed me every other update how life-changing this landmark event is, the importance of NEW MOON might have went right over my head the first 300 updates. But you ladies valiantly went out of your way to make sure I “got it” with the next 900 volleys. Kudos to you.

But I must warn you: if your NEW MOON updates drop off even in the slightest, this important nugget of information may just horrifically fade from my consciousness. I therefore urge you all to inundate my updates unabated and at thrice the pace, because God forbid I plum forget about Edward the Sparkly Vampire Lover. Better safe than sorry.

Thank you again for taking up this noble effort, from the depths of my heart.

Eternally grateful,
Edward the Dead-broke and Hungover