Seventh-grader, BridgeAnne d’Avignon, and her 80 year-old grandpa have apparently traced Obama’s genealogy back to nearly every president (the exception being Martin Van Buren) and a king of England, John Plantagenet. The discovery proves one of two things: our government is in the control of some shadow family or humans are a more incestuous species than we allow ourselves to believe. Actually, when I think about it, chances are it’s a little of both.
Oh well, if this alleged discovery does anything it will stir up more conspiracy theories about the Illuminati, Free Masons, and Obama, which will provide us all with a plentiful amount of History Channel programming. I don’t see the harm in that. After all, look at all the money being made off of 2012. It’s like the Y2k scare, but 40x more badass. Sure, a massive glitch in all the world’s computers would be pretty devastating, but that’s pussy shit when you hold it up against the possibility of Earth and all its inhabitants being vaporized by some kind of galactic catastrophe. Seriously, epic.
When Gil Kerlikowske was tapped to be the country’s drug czar there was plenty of hope among potheads everywhere. After all, he was the police chief of Seattle, a pot friendly city that hosts an annual festival, Hemp Fest, which pretty much consists of people just walking around and openly smoking pot. Rather than order his officers to rain down baton blows on stoned citizens Kerlikowske simply let the people have their fun. But now it appears he’s taken on a more czar-like position on the matter saying, “Marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit.” Continue Reading
Only months after becoming the first dual-race president, Barack Obama has entered into a rehabilitation program, an anonymous source has said.During his campaign, Obama was known for his excellent oratory skills, turning out speeches that made thousands of people stand in the cold and cry salty tears of joy.However, there was a darker, less joyous side to Obama’s great speeches.According to people close to him, Obama would often leave speeches with red eyes and severely dilated pupils; he wouldn’t speak with anyone, but just smirk and giggle sporadically while blankly staring out into space. Continue Reading
Remember when Rush Limbaugh said he hopes Obama fails?Well, he’s not the only fake patriot wishing that everything Obama does ends up making the country worse.There are plenty of “Limbaughs” out there, and after a month of Obama tirelessly trying to clean up the frat boy mess that was left for him, people are condemning Obama as if he is the root of all our problems.
Really?It’s absolutely hilarious that the same people praying to God every night for Obama to fail are the same ones who will gladly tell somebody who complains about our country, “Love it or leave it.”
Where’s the love now?This is still America, and the problems we currently face require that old American zeal and unity that saw us through other great challenges, but what are people doing?They are bitching and moaning about how our president is making major mistakes.Apparently, they have a working crystal ball—seeing that it’s only 1 month into the Obama presidency and some are already sure of his policies’ failures. Continue Reading
Let’s begin with the story that rocked the internet and gave hope to potheads’ nationwide. In a twisted turn in the Michael Phelps Bong Smoking fiasco, Richland County sheriff, Leon Lott Jr., said he plans on investigating the photo in the hopes that he can file charges against the half-man half-dolphin. Continue Reading
Barack Obama is beyond psyched he got the nomination. Hillary’s got no complaints after her well received speech. Michelle is in the back doin’ her thang like it’s nobody’s business. Joe Biden is just going along for the ride!
If this is supposed to be a Republican smear tactic attempting to portray the first ever African American presidential candidate as some sort of Starbucks, gas guzzling, Jeep Wrangler driving elitist then I’m sorry. There’s nothing more I would like to see than the Obama clan and the rest of the Democrats out celebrating the historical feats they have achieved over the past 18 or so months!
I can never get bored with all these viral videos everyone is creating these days. Check out the unofficial Dancing Politicians video for Coldplay’s new single Violet Hill off their new album Viva la Vida I’ll let the video and the song speak for itself. Much respect to the director Mat Whitecross.
Viva la Vida will be released in stores June 17th with pressure from their record label EMI to pump out sales equal if not better than their previous success with 2005’s X&Y. Word on the industry streets is that the fate of EMI is to be determined by the success of Coldplay’s new album. However, with tracks straying away from their traditional verse-chorus-verse structure and with billboard reviews describing the album as Coldplay indulging in experimentation, EMI has yet to claim the album as music to their ears.
Seventh-grader, BridgeAnne d’Avignon, and her 80 year-old grandpa have apparently traced Obama’s genealogy back to nearly every president (the exception being Martin Van Buren) and a king of England, John Plantagenet. The discovery proves one of two things: our government is in the control of some shadow family or humans are a more incestuous species than we allow ourselves to believe. Actually, when I think about it, chances are it’s a little of both.
